


I’m Dreaming of a Happier Christmas

by tjmcharg



Series: Our Photo Album [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Christmas Angst, Family, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 07:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12930873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjmcharg/pseuds/tjmcharg
Summary: Not the most comfortable Christmas to say the least





	I’m Dreaming of a Happier Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> t/w: there is a very homophobic scene in this, if that makes you uncomfortable stop reading at “his mother turned to look at phil with a smile” (dinner scene) and begin again at “they were sitting in the car park” 
> 
> Anyway this is the first of two Christmas stories so I’ll post that later in the month   
> As always I strive off of kudos and comments and I love to know what you guys think so please let me know xxxx
> 
> Enjoy!!!

Phil’s stomach was in knots, he wiped his clammy hands on his jeans, it felt strange he had to admit. Today, he was finally meeting Dan’s parents, yet they had been together for four years. He understood the reasoning obviously, but it was strange nevertheless. 

He found himself longing for the comfort of Dan’s hand in his, but the dagger lodged in his throat wouldn’t be relieved by his familiar hand, as Dan had dropped it as they approached the door. Looking at Dan, Phil could see he was as nervous, if not more nervous than Phil himself. After so long they could have an entire conversation through their eyes, but even without eye contact Phil could read Dan like a book. His hands quivered slightly as they rang the bell, his eyes darted around as though something would jump out at him, but most noticeable was the way Dan chewed on his lip, a habit he had almost broken until now. 

The door opened and Phil was drawn out of his thoughts in a snap, the uneasy feeling creeping up his throat.   
Standing in the doorway was an average heighted, older woman. Her brown hair, the exact same shade as Dan’s, was streaked with grey and framed her face in a casual bob.   
Phil, watched a smile tug at Dan’s mouth, it looked fake, totally unlike the relaxed gentle smile that Phil loved so dearly. It was lacking dimples, personally Phil’s favourite part of Dan’s smile.   
The obvious fakeness of it didn’t appear to bother Dan’s mother as she beamed at them. 

“Daniel!” She exclaimed, pulling Dan into a hug, Phil watched awkwardly from the sidelines as Dan patted his mother on the back tensely.   
She pulled him back and her eyes swept over to Phil, it felt as though they were boring into him. He felt like squirming beneath her gaze.   
“Philip right?” She confirmed, Phil smiled tightly as she patted his arm gently. It was so different to his own family, that he was momentarily taken aback. 

He nodded, “Just Phil,” he tried to correct her but Mrs Howell was already speaking again.   
“It’s a shame you two haven’t been home in so long,” she was chattering away, clearly talking about Dan and Beatrice, Dan’s twin sister, not Phil.   
“Is Beet here?” Dan asked and Mrs Howell rolled her eyes but nodded, ushering them into the house. She gave Phil the air of someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and was used to always getting what she wanted, while also trying to hard to seem kind and friendly. It wasn’t really a surprise to him that Dan hadn’t come home for almost five years. 

Dan glanced around his family home, unwelcome memories swirling uncomfortably in his stomach and leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He could tell just from the way Phil’s hands were bent into the loops of his jeans that he was feeling tense and probably uncomfortable. It was taking all of Dan’s willpower not to take Phil’s hand in his, just to feel that familiar comfort of their fingers tangled together, but he needed to tell his parents at the same time. He couldn’t stand saying it twice. 

His mother was the same as always, trying her hardest to hold the family together despite not being a kind enough person by default to properly achieve it. He tried his hardest to smile at her as though everything was fine, but just being the house made him want to run and leave. He fingers twitched involuntarily out towards Phil, desperate to hold his hand and cling to his usual comfort support.   
Instead he watched Phil from a distance as he shifted awkwardly into the house. 

He walked quickly over to Beet, automatically drawn to the only sense of comfort that he had left. The comfort he had always clung to in this house, she gently brushed along his middle finger. He smiled slightly, during the pressure of their schooling years, with their parents constantly breathing down their necks, young Beatrice and Dan had decided to make up their own language. Not a speaking language, but a way to speak through movements, and they still remembered it to this day.   
A brush along the middle finger meant ‘Are you ok?’, one of the first things they had worked out how to ask. 

Gently he poked the tip of her thumb, ‘No’. She frowned gently bumping their hips together to comfort him. With a smile he pulled her into a hug, Phil raised an eyebrow at him and he shook his head slightly. Just enough to let him know that he was okay, and not to worry. 

“So Philip,” Dan’s mother turned to him and Phil jumped slightly at being addressed so directly, even after only three minutes of exposure to Dan’s mother Phil had already noticed that she was very direct in her emotions, “Where did you and Dan meet?”  
He was a little taken aback by the question, the idea that his boyfriend of four years’ mother didn’t know where they met was enough to momentarily stump him.   
When he managed to snap himself out of his shock, he was aware of both Dan, Bea and their mother staring at him strangely. 

“E-erm sorry,” he stammered an apology, avoiding Dan’s eye contact he continued, “We met at work, I’m the receptionist at the school Dan works,” he explained.   
Dan’s mother sighed happily, ushering them all into the kitchen, “Oh how wonderful! It’s always great to have a friend at work!” She exclaimed and Phil noticed Dan bite down on his lip so hard he might draw blood. He longed to pull him close and plant a kiss to his temple, or at least do anything to stop him from hurting himself, but he couldn’t. He had to admit, it hurt him just as much as it hurt Dan to hear the word friend be used in regards to them, as though the last four years meant nothing. However, it wasn’t as though he could do anything about it, this was Dan’s chance to tell his parents, not Phil’s. So he gritted his teeth and dealt with it. 

“Your father will be home soon,” Dan watched as his mother bustled around the kitchen, he had missed her, but not enough to come home. In fact he still wasn’t sure if coming home would be worth it at all.   
Beet looked as awkward as he felt, and he wasn’t sure what to do, so he just watched.   
His mother turned to Phil, and he inwardly cringed, there was a reason Dan had rarely brought friends home and that was because his parents had a knack for interrogations and lack of social boundaries. 

She begun cutting and smiled at him, “Philip, I have organised a room for you, it’s just down the hall from Daniel,” she informed them.   
Dan looked nervously at Phil, he smiled tightly, “Thank you,” Phil mumbled. Dan stared at the floor, he and Phil had been living together for three years now and they’d never had to sleep in different beds anywhere they went together. Hopefully they would be able to move together once Dan had told his parents later that night. 

It felt weird, the idea of being in the same place as Dan and not be sharing a bed, but he pretended it wasn’t. Dan was planning on telling his parents today anyway, so they could easily change rooms later on Phil reasoned with himself.   
Dan’s mother was speaking to him again, “Are you dating anyone Philip?” She asked, as though it was a comfortable, easy question.   
The question caught him off guard a little bit, first of all it was so unlike any other adult he’d ever met, nobody ever asked him so plainly about his private life unless they knew him well (see also: his mother), and secondly it wasn’t as though he could say ‘oh yeah your son’. 

“Oh… yeah I am,” he mumbled, glancing sideways at Dan he was relieved to see him relatively calm. “They’re amazing, I love them more than anything,” he added and didn’t miss the light blush that crept along Dan’s cheekbones.   
Dan’s mother sighed longingly, “How beautiful,” she said with a smile before rounding on Dan, “And what about you Daniel? Did you finally meet a girl?” She asked.   
Phil watched as Dan bit down on his lip again and inwardly sighed, “Nope!” Dan replied overly cheerfully, “Still no girlfriend!”   
The precise wording that Dan used didn’t slip Phil’s notice, no girlfriend, but maybe a boyfriend Phil couldn’t help but think. 

~-~-~

One of the things Dan was dreading happened not too long later, starting with a jangle of keys and a click of the front door.   
“Is that you Michael?” His mother called out from where they were all sitting in the lounge, conversation was flowing reasonably easily, but Dan could tell Phil wasn’t quite comfortable. Maybe it was because he could see the differences between ‘Normal Dan’ and ‘With Parents Dan’, which were admittedly very obvious. 

“Yes Ella! Can you come and help me with the groceries?” His father replied, the same blonde hair and bushy moustache peering around the corner, “Hello kids!”   
His mother rolled her eyes fondly, Dan was tempted to roll his as well, but maybe not as fondly. “I’ll go help,” she told them, standing up with a small groan, “You can stay here if you want!”   
She hurried out of the room and Beet and he shared a look, they had learnt from their childhood that ‘you can stay here’ was never truly the case. 

Dan indicated for Phil to follow, gently brushing their knuckles together quickly since no parents were in the room, he relished in the happy smile that covered Phil’s face instantaneously. They were, by default, a very touchy couple, to the point where all of their friends called them ‘the lovey doves’, so not being able to hold hands, or play with each other’s hair was strange and abnormal.   
“You can stay here means the opposite,” he whispered in explanation, leaning into Phil’s hair gently and savouring in the intimate act he kept having to hold back. 

Phil actually suppressed a groan when Dan leaned away, he just wanted two minutes of holding hands. Anything, would be fine really.   
Dan’s father smiled at him, “I’m Michael,” he said sticking out his hand.   
Phil introduced himself in return, taking the outstretched hand in an attempt not to be awkward.   
“It’s great to meet you sir,” he greeted and Dan’s father smiled. He seemed like a quiet spoken man, someone that didn’t voice their opinions too loudly but still expected to be heard regardless. At least, that was the impression Phil got after thirty seconds of meeting, everything else was inferred from the small things Dan had told him over the years. 

He could sense this might be an awkward Christmas, and he had never been more right in his life. 

~-~-~

Phil raised the camera to his eye and felt his body relax slightly, this was something he could do, photography was calming and familiar.   
“Move in a bit Bea,” he indicated for her to lean inwards and she followed his hand, the family smiled. Phil could see the fakeness in Dan’s eyes as he smiled, the tense hardness of his cheeks where there would usually be dimples.   
There was a flash as he took the photo, he lowered the camera and passed it to Dan’s mother. She gushed over it and complimented him, he was too busy focusing on the churning of his stomach, Dan was going to tell his family now, and Phil was so scared it would go wrong. 

The dinner table was the same as Dan had always remembered, tense and awkward. His father wouldn’t speak, staring at them all in a way that made Dan uncomfortable even now. His mother would attempt to fill the awkward silences with small talk, that none of them actually cared about. Beet wouldn’t speak unless addressed to, as she never knew how to speak to anyone but Dan. Except, this time there was also Phil, staring at his food and avoiding any communication possible. 

His mother turned to look at Phil with a smile, “So you said you have a partner Philip?” She prompted and Phil’s head snapped up, Dan stifled a giggle at the familiar awkwardness of his boyfriend.   
“Erm uh y-yes,” he mumbled, eyes wide at being spoken to.   
His mother smiled and rolled her eyes at Dan fondly, “When will you find someone Daniel?” She sighed and Dan dug his fingernails into his palm under the table, it was now or never. 

“I never said I hadn’t found anyone mum,” he responded and took a bite of turkey, it felt rubbery and tasteless, but that had nothing to do with his mother’s cooking.   
She furrowed her eyebrows at him, “You said you didn’t have a girlfriend…” she trailed off in confusion and Dan swallowed the dry mouthful.   
“Exactly, I don’t have a girlfriend,” he emphasised and it was clear his mother understood exactly what he meant as she inhaled sharply. As per usual, his father said nothing.   
“O-okay…” she stammered and Dan continued to eat his meal, despite every mouthful feeling like a chore, “So what’s h-h-his name?” She stumbled over the pronoun and Dan bit down on his lip to ease the pain, it was just as hard as he imagined. 

Phil hated watching Dan struggle so much, and this was probably one of the hardest parts of the whole conversation, this was the moment that Dan’s parents found out about them.   
He stretched his leg out to link it with Dan’s and cheered in his head at the small smile that quirked at Dan’s mouth.   
Dan’s mother was clearly trying very hard, but the idea of this tension was ridiculous to Phil, his parents were so comfortable and happy about it that he had never had to deal with any awkwardness regarding Dan.   
“His name is Phil,” Dan responded, his voice clear and calm, Phil stared at his plate as though it could swallow him up as Dan’s mother gasped loudly. He was clutching his cutlery just that little bit too tightly, enough that it was digging into the palm of his hand. 

Suddenly Dan’s father spoke up, and the whole conversation went from tense to furious, “Get out,” he hissed, voice laced with venom.   
Phil’s head snapped up so quickly it hurt and he was staring into the eyes of a man who looked murderous. He couldn’t look away, it was as though that furious gaze had frozen him in place.   
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Dan’s mouth was wide open, “W-what?” Phil stammered, the handle of the knife was beginning to hurt it was pressed so harshly into the flesh of his hand. 

“You heard me,” Dan’s father was glaring daggers at Phil, “Get out of my house.” He repeated, Phil’s blood ran cold, he was shaking and he felt ready to pass out.   
Both Dan and his mother spoke at the same time, “Dad!” Dan exclaimed at the same time as his mother hissed, “Michael!”   
Dan’s father didn’t appear to care, he didn’t look away from Phil, and Phil still couldn’t tear his eyes away from him.   
“I want him,” he jabbed his knife in the direction of Phil, “Out of my house now.” 

Phil was frozen in shock, he wasn’t sure how to move, what he should do, and he still couldn’t look away from the furious man at the end of the table.   
He seemed to be growing more and more angry by the second, and Phil was so terrified he had forgotten how to breathe. His heart was jumping around like a rabbit on steroids, “Why are you still here?” Dan’s father demanded and Phil had to bite back tears, “Get out of my home, get out of my son’s life!”   
He felt his legs push back his chair before he could stop himself, this man had some sort of strange persuasion over Phil, the words were stabbing at his throat and rendering him speechless. All he could do was follow, Phil finally understood what Dan meant about the way his father had controlled him through his childhood. 

Dan watched in horror as Phil began to push his chair back, up until that point he had been unable to say anything past yelling his father’s name. Now however, as he watched Phil actually begin to leave he was snapped out of his stupor.   
“No fucking way!” He yelled, voice loud and angry as he stood up and grabbed slammed his hands down on the table, “Phil you don’t have to leave.”   
“Daniel,” his mother shushed him, eyes wide in shock at his sudden outburst.   
He shook his head angrily, glaring at his father with all of the anger he had repressed throughout his 29 years of life, “How dare you ask him to leave?” He spat. 

“I will not have this in my house!” His father growled back, Dan had to restrain himself from shrinking back into his shell, “I want him out!”   
Dan glanced at Phil and saw those beautiful blue eyes wide with fear, it felt as though someone had reached through his chest and crushed his heart, Dan’s family had done that.   
Any fear he felt was smothered by Phil, he needed to protect him, “Absolutely not, if Phil’s goes anywhere I’m going with him and I will never come back.”   
He watched as his mother sobbed slightly, tugging at her husband’s arm she shook her head hurriedly, “We’re not losing him Michael,” Dan heard her whisper loudly, tears streaming down her face, “Stop this.” 

“I don’t want this in my house Ella!” His father retorted, and Dan actually growled, sinking back into his chair.   
His father whipped his head back around to stare at him, “What don’t you want Dad?” Dan hissed, “Love? You don’t want love in your household?” 

Phil’s hands were shaking, Dan and he had known that the conversation may have been an awkward one but this was so much worse than they’d ever expected.   
“Have you… kissed?” Dan’s father said kissed as though it was dirty, Phil felt his skin crawl and he longed to shower and scrub at his skin to remove the awful words.   
Dan was livid, Phil could see it in the way his eyes burning, his lip was curled into a sneer, “Yes Dad! We’ve kissed! A lot actually! It’s been four fucking years!”   
Phil chanced a glance upwards and saw pure horror cross Dan’s father’s face, “Four years!” He screeched, Phil was crying he realised, not heavily, but soft tears were streaking down his face, wetting his cheeks, “You’ve been keeping this from us for four years,” he continued to spit. 

“Do you really wonder why!” Dan was screaming and Phil couldn’t stop shaking, his hands were quivering and he wanted to run far away, but he needed Dan to come with him and he was willing to wait for him. “Look at how you’re treating us!”   
“You deserve to be treated this way, you’re both filthy freaks of nature!”   
The words hit Phil in the chest like a bullet.   
Filthy freaks of nature  
Filthy freaks of nature  
They continued to stab at him until his lungs were hollow, every breath coming out in ragged gasps.   
He was vaguely aware of a loud slam, but tears were pooling in his vision. 

Dan didn’t even regret it, he slammed his knife into the table so that it was jammed into the edge and lodged there. He was on his feet, his mother and father stared at him with wide eyes, Phil was crying and Beet was fuming, glaring at their parents like she was trying to curse them.   
“You can insult me,” he hissed at his parents, “You have my whole life! But never,” he ripped the knife out of the table, feeling a small sense of pride at the indent that remained there, that would always remind his parents of what they did to him, “Never, insult Phil, my boyfriend.” 

It was the first time he’d ever said the words in front of his parents, and the way his father reeled back was as though he had been slapped made him quake with anger, “We’re leaving,” he growled.   
Both his parents flinched as he shoved back his chair, it scratched along the floor so loudly that his mother winced. He marched around the table and his anger evaporated, not fully but enough as he looked at Phil, shaking silently and trying to collect himself.   
He gently lifted Phil to his feet, wiping the tears off his cheeks he pressed a kiss to Phil’s forehead, ignoring his parents behind them he whispered, “It’s okay, we’re leaving now.” 

It felt like someone had stabbed him to see Phil this broken up, but he stifled all the horrible emotions churning and he took his boyfriend’s hand.   
Beet stood up, “Can you drop me at the train station?” She asked Dan with a pointed look, he barely nodded but she got the message.   
“You don’t need to leave Beatrice,” Their father said, his normal stern voice back.   
However Beet just growled, her eyes flashing with unrelenting anger, “Of course I fucking do! As if I would want to stay here with you.” She marched over to Dan and Phil and they all walked out without a second glance. 

~-~-~

They were sitting in the carpark after dropping Beet off when Dan finally broke. The tears streamed down his face and he gasped in pain.   
“Hey,” Phil shushed him gently, taking his face gently in his hands, Dan leaned into the touch instinctively, “It’s okay now!”   
Dan hiccuped softly, the tears still pouring down his face, Phil leaned their foreheads together and they just sat there. The silence was comfortable but Dan had so much he needed to say. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered when the tears finally slowed to a stop, Phil clucked his tongue, leaning away and brushing a thumb across Dan’s cheekbone. Gently wiping away the tears.   
Dan mapped his face as they lapsed back into their gentle silence, there were still tear streaks down Phil’s cheeks and his eyes were red but he was as beautiful as ever.   
“But he called you a-” Dan begun to say but Phil cut him off with a gentle kiss, it wasn’t long, just a brush of lips to remind each other that they were still here, and everything would be fine. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Phil assured Dan, staring into those sad, beautiful, brown eyes made him want to start crying again, but he knew that they needed one of them to be strong, “We’ll go to my house for a late Christmas. Bea can come too,” he added and Dan smiled softly, his dimple indenting his cheek.   
Phil pressed a gentle kiss to it, “I love you and nothing - especially not your family - will ever change that,” Dan was still crying but it was soft and he was smiling, it made Phil’s heart squeeze in a mix of both happiness and sadness.   
“I love you too,” Dan whispered, brushing Phil’s fringe out of his eyes as though he was a delicate flower. 

“You’re all the family I need.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> Stalk me and leave requests at nerdydisneychild on tumblr xxx


End file.
